No stitches, just platelets and will power
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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