the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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