I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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