i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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