my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
