You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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