Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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