last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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