He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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