There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
