there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm passing your future prison.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
