...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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