I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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