I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
