Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
