you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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