I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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