it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
