Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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