new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
this will be a night to untag.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
