We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
