Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dicks are not precious.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
