Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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