So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
