would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
