What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
