what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
