This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
