I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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