Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
