just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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