If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
