woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
no. you can't hotbox the world.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You're like the curious george of whores
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
