My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
