the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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