If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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