Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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