just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
