in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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