ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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