I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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