i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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