It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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