Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
