And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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