Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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