Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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