Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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