THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
