I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
