There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
