We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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