She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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