I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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