a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
