Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
