Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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