Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
