I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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