mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
