My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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