Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
