if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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