Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
