He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
