oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
