Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
