his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
