and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
