I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
