I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
