I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I want her autograph on my taint
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
