Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
