What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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