I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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