His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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