Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
did i walk over a car last night?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
