Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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