Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The beers last night were like the tears from god
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
