I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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